ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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