I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
