I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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