Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
