If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
