love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
