Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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