I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
