so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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