Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize