I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
