Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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