I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
