you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
