Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
