you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
