I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize