The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
