the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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