i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
