Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
