ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
