Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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