I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
