On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
