maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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