Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
