overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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