yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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