The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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