Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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