we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
