come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
