just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
