Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
