I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
