I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
