all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
