i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
