I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
