i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
