so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
