I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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