i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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