I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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