perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
