So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
