Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
