If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize