im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
