I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
