this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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