Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
