I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
