accomplished twins. life is a go
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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