He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
