She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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