what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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