i think my tv is drunk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
