Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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