hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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