Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
