Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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