Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize