Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
