i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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