doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
