You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have aggressive nipples.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
