You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
