google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
