areolas are like halos for boobs.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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