I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
