since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
