I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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