I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
