why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
