the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize