Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
