this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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