if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize