It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
