my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
