My liver just broke up with me...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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