her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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