can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
