guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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