he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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