This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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