Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
