his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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