so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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