I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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