I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my shit smells like andre
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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