Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
