My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
