woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
