You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
