Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
