dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
