Duck Duck Cougar?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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