God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
