i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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