yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
